Forever and Always
by Vanessa Cleveland
Summary: I just couldn’t handle the fact that college meant starting over. Of course, I had done that a year ago. Started over. Started over as the ‘new’ Marco Del Rossi. The non-gay one. MD, R
1. Spinning Into Reality

Drip. Drop. Drip. Drop. Driiiiip. Dropppp.

The sounds just were getting gentler; the small globs of water pattering against my window were slowly becoming less frequent. But my insomnia wasn't. I couldn't sleep, I could barely eat, and my grades looked like they came from hell. College just wasn't working out for me.

It wasn't the all-night cram sessions; it wasn't the pressure of my parent's high expectations. It wasn't missing the huge parties my dorm mates were always throwing, and it definitely wasn't a girl I was crushing on. That was the last thing on my mind. It always was.

No, I could handle college in itself. I just couldn't handle the fact that college meant starting over. Of course, I had done that a year ago. Started over. Started over as the 'new' Marco Del Rossi. The non-gay one.

Everyone I knew had been lead on. The guys I shared a dorm with weren't even aware that they were sleeping with a guy who would prefer holding their hand than jumping the sorority girls' bones. I could easily play along with their games, I had done so for a year back in grade nine. And then I did it again in grades eleven and twelve. I could do it again.

The only problem was that every time I lied, every time I played along and pretended I was straight, _he _popped into my head. Images of the happiest time of my life flashed before my eyes, his smell filled my nose, and I could still taste his tongue, from the few times we actually did go that far. I could remember well.

"_Took you long enough to get here." Dylan was leaning against his car, wrapped up in his red jacket when I came running up to him, smoothly skidding along the slick ice in front of his feet. _

"_You only called ten minutes ago, dork." I slid into the arms he was holding out to me and pulled down his head with my hand at the back of his neck. _

"_It feels like I've been waiting for an eternity," he breathed, his mouth only an inch or two from mine. _

"_That's because you haven't called me for two days," I said scornfully. I wanted him to _beg.

"_I had exams. You know I suck at science." He put on that puppy dog face which he knew drove me insane. The cold making his nose and cheeks rosy red wasn't helping much either. _

"_Really? I thought chemistry was your best subject." _

_He smiled the same smile he always did, but it still made me melt at the knees. I could feel myself begin to blush, like I always did, and averted my eyes to his Nikes. They were his favorite shoes, worn out to that perfect comfy spot where they didn't have holes, but they still weren't too tight or too loose. _

"_Are my shoes really that interesting?" _

_I looked back up at him, broken out of my shoe trance. "Sorry." _

"_Don't be," he whispered into my ear. _

_Oh, God. I could feel his breath on my ear, it chilling and warming the right side of my body at the same time. I felt myself shake, a tingle go down my spine. And then I smiled. He knew I was smiling, too, even though I still hadn't looked back up. Because when I _did_ look up; he was looking at me like he always does when he's going to tell me that he loves me. _

"_I love you," he cooed. _

_All I could do was blow out a laugh, and bite my lip. Even though I knew he was going to say that, I wasn't prepared. I never was. Because, truth was, I loved him back._

_I gripped his fingertips covered in black leather, and rocked our hands back and forth. _

"_Really?" was my reply._

"_Forever and always." _

I felt soft, warm, gooey drops fall down my cheeks when I spun back into reality. I could hear my roommates pounding down the hallway, and soon enough, I heard a key twist into the door. I dove into my covers, opened up my French book to a random page to create the illusion that I fell asleep studying, and closed my eyes.

"Zack! Shut up, man!" My roommate's best friend Kevin entered first, the clinging sound of a six-pack in his hand.

"You really need to lighten up, you know tha-" He obviously stopped when he saw me curled up in a ball next to my coveted French book.

"Is he always studying?" Kevin asked.

"That or sleeping," Zack said reluctantly.

"You need to find a new roommate, man." Kevin plopped down on Zack's bed, making the springs react, and popped open a bottle of beer, most likely Miller Lite.

"Dude, shut up! Marco's a good roommate. He doesn't play loud music, he doesn't smoke, or," he cleared his throat. "_Drink_."

"Sorry, dude. Every man has his poison." Kevin took a long, noisy swig.

I decided that that was the time to awaken, gather my books together, and retreat to the library. I wasn't going to sleep a wink with Kevin talking about me like that anyways, and I had finals before Christmas came around in a week.

"Sorry we woke you, man!" Kevin called when I shut the door in their faces. Sometimes I chuckle at the fact of how Spinner pales in comparison of Kevin obnoxious-wise.

I ran down the two flights of stairs to the lower floor, feeling that I had to burn that excess energy. My jeans were killing me, they were way too tight on the crotch, but I really couldn't worry about that now. I had no money, except for ten bucks and an I.O.U. from Zack. I had to survive for the next week, so buying new jeans was out of the question.

I passed the girls' dormitories while walking to the library across the courtyard. There were two girls who looked like they were in my year, sophomore, sitting on a bench along the covered pathway I was taking.

"Did you hear that we're getting a new hockey center?" the red-headed one, dressed in a plaid mini and short-sleeved button down blouse exclaimed.

"Yep. All the way from Toronto!" The blonde, whom I now recognized to be Kevin's ex, was peeling a banana as she said this.

I stopped dead in my tracks. Toronto. Hockey. Center. Those three words made my world come to a grinding halt. Everything in my mind began to race, anything having to do with him, with Degrassi, with Toronto.

It couldn't be him, though. Last time I heard, Dylan had a full scholarship to Toronto University. He wouldn't give that up for Vancouver. Would he?

"What's his name? I completely forget," the red head asked.

"It's something foreign. I remember that much," Katey, the blonde, said.

Foreign? Oh, _shit. _

"Excuse me? Did you need... something?"

I whipped my head around to see Katey and the red head staring at me. Why wouldn't they have stared? I was a guy, standing on the sidewalk to the girl's dormitories, and I was carrying a bulky backpack. Why wouldn't they have been suspicious?

"Oh... sorry. I spaced out there for a second." I was turning a bit red; I could feel it, so I continued on my way, even though I could still hear them talk.

"So, anyways, I think his first name starts with a D..."

A 'D'? Oh. My. God.

I felt a bit faint for a moment, before I realized I had stopped again, and they would think I was some psycho stalker freak if I stayed.

"Um, if you have anything to say, you can, you know," I heard Katey say. I spun around on my heel to face them, clenching onto my backpack strap.

"Uh, well, that hockey player you're talking about."

"Yes?"

"Is his name..." Oh, God. I could feel my throat start to close up. I felt like I was going to die, right then and there. Even thinking of saying his name started to tare me apart inside.

"You know his name?" The red head looked eager.

"Uh- it's- uh..." I could feel my head getting light.

"I remember! Dylan Michalchuck!" Katey shouted.

Then I hit the ground, going black.


	2. The Reason

A/N: To all my wonderful and beautiful reviewers: I am in love with you. Those were the best reviews ever, I'm so happy!

**Krinklecut**- You get a cookie for being the first to review! Haha!

**Nasty Gogoune**- Thanks! (Sorry I don't have a longer message for you... ha)

**soul-searching813**- Oh my goodness, I love you. Reviewers with long messages = love. (Not that I don't love you all) And the whole 'you've got a knack for this' made me smile for like, ever. My parents were getting worried that I was smiling so much... Oh, and about the 'Marco-back-in-the-closet-thing' is explained a little bit in this chapter I guess, but more in a later chapter (the next one...?)

**donnatellaMarks**- OH MY GOD! Your 'Silly Boys' fic is one of the best Marco/Dylan fics I've ever read, and I'm spazzing out that you like my story so much! Anyways, I'm not trying to be stalkerish or whatever... haha sorry.

**KaitlinBell**- AHHH!! I'm getting all these reviews from my fic writing idols, lmao! You're like the gold mine for Marco/Dylan fics, I love all your stories! (Especially your one-shots. Those are definitely the best.)

**smoothNcreamy**- Hahah I love your review. It woke me up, that's for sure. And since you were so demanding, HERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER!

**darkangel410pr**- Thanks so much! I love it when people mention that they enjoy reading my stuff!

**anjel919**- Oh, thank you! I also love it when people use 'great' instead of 'good'.

---

I woke up to a series of screaming and slapping going on around me. I could feel continuous blows to my cheek, and could hear a voice I recognized saying my name over and over again.

"Marco... Marco, come on. Wake up!" Zack gave me a huge shove before I finally came to. I fell onto the ground next to my bed, jamming my elbow a bit.

"Ow... what was that for?" I stood up, rubbing my elbow, and scowling at Zack. Kevin was sitting on his bed, taking swigs of beer, no doubt.

"You looked like you saw a ghost or something. We had to wake you up, man." Zack looked sincerely concerned, although Kevin didn't look as appealing, sitting on my roommate's bed, getting beer and corn chip stains all over the sheets.

"Yeah, dude. I had to like... _talk _to my ex. What the hell did you make me do that for?" Kevin finally acknowledged that I had awakened, and pointed at me with a soiled corn chip while yelling.

"Are you related to a Spinner Mason?" I just _had_ to ask. I couldn't bear the temptation any longer.

"I have a cousin named Andrea Mullard. That help any?" He and I exchanged blank stares for a second, but Zack thankfully intervened before Kevin could bring me into his chip-eating, beer-drinking psyche.

"Marco, man, do you need to go see a doctor or something?" He rubbed a patch of my head where I had fallen.

"Ow... Ow... that hurts! Stoppit!" I slapped his hand away and moved to the other side of my bed.

"Uh, if you don't mind us asking, why the hell did you faint?" Kevin stared at me through the mouth of the beer bottle he was holding, even though I doubt that he could see me well through that disgusting brown glass.

I looked at Zack, who seemed to be wondering the exact same question. Then I looked back at Kevin, who still amazingly resembled Spinner in many ways. Too many things came flooding back into memory when I looked at Kevin, who made me think of Spinner, which made me think of Degrassi. The reason I had fainted, and why I had left Toronto in the first place.

"_You're coming to dinner tomorrow, right?" Dylan looked at me with hopeful eyes. _

"_Where else would I rather be?" I looked up at him, my head cradled in the pocket of his shoulder. _

_He wrapped himself tighter with his jacket and brought me in closer to him. I could feel his warmth transact from his body to mine. _

"_I dunno. Maybe you had previous engagements with your other boyfriends or something." He grinned at the scowl that formed on my face. I didn't like it when he teased me, but he did it anyways. And when he did, I took revenge and teased him right back. _

"_Eh, none of them had anything more interesting. Jake wanted to go to Disneyland or something like that..." I looked at him, his eyes looking right back at me knowingly. _

"_Oh... you're gonna get it!" I knew that was my cue to leap up from his lap and start skating away from him at full speed. Of course, this was Dylan I was running away from. There was no way I could out-skate him, my hockey star of a boyfriend. _

_Sure enough, keeping away from him for about a minute and a half, he grabbed me and pulled me down onto the snowy grass next to the icy pond. We could only laugh at ourselves; we must have looked amazingly wacky next to the little girls practicing their ice skating tricks. _

"_Yeah, Dyl. I'll be there." _

I was surprised that by the time I had finished reminiscing, I wasn't crying yet. That was the last memory I had of me and Dylan together. I never made it to dinner at his house, and I certainly didn't go to Disneyland. That was the farthest place on earth, it seemed, since the place I ended up at later that day was the closest encounter of hell I'd ever gone through.

_I made it back to my house in quick time, my hair covered with snowy icicles and my jacket sopping with water generated from the snow and my body heat melting it. Dylan had offered me a ride home, but I was so happy, I didn't think my day could get any better, so I opted to walk home and admire the beautiful, snowy scenery. _

"_Ma! I'm home!" I banged my front door close and started peeling off my three plus layers of clothing. The smell of gingerbread cookies wafted through the hallway, leading me toward the kitchen. _

_My mother was standing in front of the kitchen counter, arranging just-made cookies into a basket that would go on the table, and be gone in about ten minutes, thanks to my father and brother. I never ate more than two, just to be considerate. _

"_Oh, hello, Marco." She smiled that cheery smile she always had on, rain or shine. She handed me a cookie and pointed to a glass of milk sitting on the table. It was as if she was expecting me or something. _

"_Hey ma." I kissed her on the cheek, which she oddly flinched at a bit, and sat down at the table. I pulled the newspaper towards me and began to read, when my father appeared at the doorway._

"_Do they taste good?" He had an unusual glare in his eye; his fist was clenched into a tight bunch, hanging at his side. _

"_Yes?" I furrowed my eyebrows at both my parents, who were both staring at me. My mother had a tear dripping down her cheek, and my father was turning red. I had never seen either of my parents this upset since my brother crashed my father's $30,000 car a week after it was bought. It hadn't been insured yet. _

"_Marco, tell me. What was your last girlfriend's name?" My father began advancing towards me. The rage is his eye grew every step he took. _

"_E-Ellie." I dropped the cookie I was holding in my shaking hand onto the ground. I began to pick it up when my father stepped his black boot on it. I ended up staring at the toe of my father's foot and a mess of crumbled-up gingerbread. I could tell this wasn't going to be good._

"_When did you and Ellie break up, exactly, Marco?" Pa was about a foot away from my face by now. _

"_Uh-um-about a year ago?" I knew that my father wanted me to look at him straight in the eye; I knew that was what I was supposed to do. It was Italian respect and tradition to look a person straight in the eye while speaking in my family. But I couldn't. I could tell what was happening. _They knew_. _

"_You haven't been in a relationship since then, have you, Marco?" There was no way now I was getting away from looking at him. He was mere inches from my nose. I could feel the steam and sweat coming from his body. _

"_Uh- well-"_

"_Don't lie to me, Marco. You know better than that." _

"_Pa, I-"_

"_God dammit," he breathed._

_My mother squealed at my father's curse. It was against my religion to swear and word of any kind. _

"_So it's true? It's true that you have been seeing that goddamned boy?" _

"_Oh, Pa," I knew that he could see the fear in my eyes. He was trying intimidate me. _

"_Answer, me, YES OR NO!" He banged his fist on the table, making the china pot in the middle spiral to the edge of the table, my mother being able to save it a split second before it hit the ground. _

_I felt like crying now. I knew I should cry, they might take more pity on me. I was still their son, after all. They had baby pictures of me hidden under their bed, my mother kept my baby teeth in her jewelry drawer. _

_But I wouldn't cry. I was hurting too much inside to let it show on the outside. I knew my mother would always love me no matter what, but it had been and always would be Italian tradition that the woman served the man, and that was what my mother was doing. _

_This was my time to be brave for once, to not cry. I wasn't going to cry, because that was what I always did. Just for one time in my life, I was going to be strong._

"_Yes." The words just slipped out of my mouth, clear and precise. It was time my parents knew, I supposed. _

"_Get out," my father growled. _

"_What?" I stood there, stunned, not able to move. _

"_I said, GET OUT!" He boomed. When I didn't move, he slapped me. He slapped me again, this time harder. He began to slap me three, four times. _

_My mother approached my father and restrained him._

"_Go, Marco. Just go."_

"_Ma..." Now I knew I was going to cry, because she was crying now. I couldn't bear seeing my mother crying. It was too much for me to handle. _

"_Get a bag or something, and go. Please, Marco. Just get out." She pushed my father in the opposite direction of where I was standing, her head hanging the entire time. I had shamed my entire family, and she knew. She knew it._

"_You have THREE MINUTES!" My father yelled from the other side of the kitchen, in the dining room. _

_I couldn't think now. Nothing was registering in my mind. All I could figure out was I had to get a bag, and get out of there. My parents had made that very clear. _


	3. On the Way Down

A/N: OOO! DRAMA! Haha thank you to everyone who reviewed. I can't do individual comments right now, I'm getting ready to go to school on Monday. I still have like nineteen chapters of Little Women :/ But I'll try to get another chapter up before all gets hectic, because when it does I won't be able to update for a while. (Like, a week. Not a month or any of that, so bear with me.)

"Dylan, hon, it looks like a barren wasteland in here," Paige eyed her brother sitting on his naked mattress, staring at the opposite wall.

"It might look like a barren wasteland, but it's _my _barren wasteland." He rubbed his hand caressingly along his mattress.

"Okay, that made no sense."

"Made sense to me." He grinned his shiny, perfect teeth at his sister.

"Stop acting like an Abercrombie model. It doesn't wear well on you." She crossed her arms in front of herself and looked around the one-bedroom apartment. It wasn't much, but it had been her brother's home for the past three years.

"We'd better get going. I'm supposed to be there tomorrow for some special orientation."

"I still don't get why you picked Vancouver." Paige stooped down and picked up one, lone sock on the ground. "Ew." She tossed it on top of Dylan's athletic bag.

"I dunno. It might not have as good a hockey team as Toronto, but it's a different place. New settings." He walked out of his bedroom and continued into the living room, taking last looks at the little things he knew he'd miss; the microwave that never closed properly, the fridge which actually froze things, and the carpet with a stain next to where the couch used to be.

"Dylan, stop staring at that stain. It'll just make you depressed for the ride over there."

"I guess you're right." He checked his watch, took one last look around his apartment, and then stepped out the door. "We're gonna be late if we don't beat it out of here." He twisted the key in the doorway until the lock clicked inside, and slid it under the doormat for his landlord to come pick up later.

---

I couldn't sleep that night. I couldn't handle all of these things flowing into my head all at once, plus the fact that I had finals in two days. But mere pieces of paper and writing utensils seemed so mediocre compared to everything that was flowing into my head.

These were my emotions and who I was as a person. And the fact that I had lied to everyone. Even myself, even though in my heart, I've always known who I am. The only person who ever knew that besides me, was Dylan.

Yeah, sure, Ellie understood that I was gay. But she never really grasped the concept. It was as if being gay was a label, a stereotype. Which it is, but she just used it as a word. She didn't really get that being gay meant that I had completely different feelings than straight people. Of course she didn't understand. She wasn't gay. Dylan was.

"Dammit!"

I heard Kevin kicking his foot and flinging himself onto the door. That only meant one thing: he was drunk.

"Zack, do something about him, will you?" I scowled at Zack, who had his pillow protecting his head from Kevin's moans.

"Yeahashad," he mumbled. He got up, revealing a pair of plaid boxers and a rival college's t-shirt. How pleasant.

Zack banged his fist against the door. "Kevin, go **away**." He locked the door and turned on me. "Happy?" It wasn't as if he cared about my reply, since he flung himself onto his bed the second he finished the 'y' sound.

"God." There was no way I was getting any sleep now, so I decided on food. Something to wake up my body.

Although, crawling into a hole would get me some sleep. I'd have to look into that.

The cabinet where we kept all the dry foods was open already, revealing that there is no food in there whatsoever, except for some stale goldfish. Great. The one food that makes me throw up.

I open the fridge and freezer at the same time, also opening to nothing, except for expired milk and molding cheese. Now I'm getting pissed.

"Zack, where the hell is all the food?" I looked back at him, pissed off as ever.

"... ate it," was all I could make out, due to the oh-so-wonderful face-in-mattress.

"_Who?_"

He flung the pillow off of his head and looked back at me with an angered face. "Who do you _think_, Marco? I'm all skin and bones!" He lifted up his shirt and pulled at what little fat he had. No wonder I wasn't attracted to him. He was a male Mary-Kate Olsen.

"Kevin ate _all _of the food??" I stood there, looking surprised and disgusted in the same face.

"Sure as hell wasn't me."

"Zack, I spent thirty dollars on that food _three_ days ago. I can't believe you let Kevin eat all of that!" I slammed the fridge door shut.

"I didn't let him! He has a key, for gods sake."

He has a key? Oh lord. This could not be happening to me, not _now. _

"You know what? I'm not even going to ask how he got one of those. But I am wondering how Kevin has a key, when the last time I checked, only two people lived here!" I was getting hysterical.

"I don't remember how he got one. I just know he has one. End of story, okay?" Then he went back to his rabbit hole under his corn-chip stained sheets.

"No, that's not end of story! I can't go to my French final on Monday morning without having any food for two days!" I ripped the sheets off of his limp body, making him slightly shiver.

"Will you quit obsessing over your damn grades for once? It's like you have no life!"

The room got really quiet after that. What he said didn't necessarily hurt me; it was just a shock having Zack insult me like that. It was as if those words came straight from Kevin's mouth.

"Oh god, Marco, I'm sorry..." he sat up and addressed me for real this time.

"Uh, yeah. It's not a big deal. But I need food. Quick." I remembered the ten dollars I had. I grabbed a pair of those too-tight jeans and dug out the money and flashed it in Zack's face. "Got one of these?"

"I think so." He dug through the crevices of his mattress and pulled out five dollars. "I think that's the best I can do. Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm going to go to the campus store, it might cost more, but I don't have any gas in my car either."

"Yeah. Okay." I pulled on a jean jacket, since I was still in jeans from yesterday. "Oh, and, Marco?"

"Yeah?"

"Uh... I'll try to get that key back from Kevin."

"Thanks." I smiled. Zack was sweet, but he was no Dylan. And there is always that part about him not being gay. "At least he didn't have it this morning; we could have gotten a gun to the head or something." I imitated a gun with my fingers and put it up to my head.

"Don't joke about that shit, man." Then he threw his pillow at me, but not before I could escape into the hallway.

---

"Plus side to flying: free peanuts and coke. Down side: jet-lag," Dylan breathed.

"God, I can barely walk." Paige was almost out of breath after lugging her cream-colored roller suitcase up two flights of stairs. "Haven't these people ever heard of elevators? I mean, hel-o?" She noticed few beads of sweat on the tip of her nose.

"That wasn't _so _bad, was it?" Dylan banged his suitcase and athletic bag onto the floor, holding open the door for Paige.

"That's what you say, Mr. I'm-here-to-be-a-big-hockey-star." She gave him her signature evil eye.

"Come on." He wanted to ruffle her hair, but knew that she would be a bitch for the rest of the day if he did.

"What number is yours?"

"Uh..." He checked his room key. "219."

"Great. At the _end _of the hallway." She pointed to a number sign next to a coke machine.

"Stop whining or I'll be forced to carry you there." He pushed her in the direction of the room, forcing her to walk in front of him.

After what felt like walking on coals, Paige banged on the front of 219 in salvation of finally getting there.

"They better have put that couch in the right direction, because I'm charging at it." She waited for her brother to open the door to his already-furnished dorm room, one of the perks he got for switching over to Vancouver.

"Just don't break anything. You're here for a week. I'll be here for the next seven months." He opened up the door and let it swing itself open.

"Oh my god," Paige gasped. Despite the building's dreary brown coded hallways, Dylan's dorm room seemed fit for a god. Perfectly white carpet, pristinely tiled counter top, and a very nicely sized TV.

"They really _are _desperate," Dylan said, referring to the college's hockey team.

Paige placed her suitcase in the hallway and plopped down on the couch. "Now I'm hungry," she pouted.

"I'm not. Oh well. Sucks for you," Dylan grinned.

"Dylan!"

"Okay, fine. I give you money, you go retrieve food. Simple enough?"

Paige desperately groaned, but in the end, accepted. When she began to the door, she accidentally tripped over one of Dylan's moving boxes, and knocked it over.

"Oh, damn. Sorry, Dylan." She looked back at the mess she made. There were a couple of statues scattered on the floor, and underneath books nicely fanned out. She picked up one particular book.

"Oh my goodness..." she smiled, fanning through the book's pages. She stopped at a certain page, one that made Dylan frown.

"Paige, could you put that away please? I'm suddenly getting hungry."

"Fine, Mr. Grumpypants." She turned on her heel and glided down the hallway.

Dylan was left there, holding the book open, staring at the black and white pages. He let himself fall onto the couch while what he stared at stung his blinding blue eyes.


	4. I Miss You

A/N: You guys must hate me! I'm sososososo sorry for not updating sooner, I feel terrible about it. I had to have some kind of inspiration... and then when I saw the season 4 promos I just had to continue this story. So here's chapter four, I hope you like it. Chocolate cake for extra-long reviews!

I hadn't expected it to be so cold outside. When I stepped out into the open from the common room, I had to bury myself deeper into my jacket to keep warm. My teeth started to chatter against each other, and I could feel my fingertips stimulate themselves.

I passed the other half of the girls' dormitories, continuing on my way to the store. But what I had foolishly forgotten about this route to the campus store, I soon noticed.

There was a small crowd of about twenty people standing outside the hockey arena, which I had completely forgotten about until now. The line went out the door, so it was pretty obvious that they were all fussing over the pictures of the two new additions to our school's oh-so-wonderful hockey team.

"Marco! Man, c'mere!" I saw a buddy of Kevin's waving over to me at the front of the line. I walked up to him; my face shaded a bit with embarrassment.

"Uh- hey Trey."

"Dude, the new kid got here today. Everyone's going crazy over here." He wavered a bit on his feet, telling me that Kevin wasn't the only one to get drunk last night.

"Which new kid?" I tried to look as unknowing as I could.

"Both. Come over here and look at the pictures!" Trey pushed me through the crowd surrounding Dylan's picture. I could hear several 'oohs' and 'ahhs' from the freshman girls at the front of the line.

I kept my eyes looking downwards at everyone's feet until I reached the front of the throng, and when I looked up, I realized I should have kept looking down. My heart started to pound when I looked at Dylan's face captured into a frame, much different from anything I had.

His hair was a light colored brown now, but still the same old messy bob he always had. His eyes looked more intense than they should have, but they were still the same gorgeous blue. And his smile wasn't as bright as I remembered, but it still looked beautiful all the same. I had to admit, he looked even better now.

"That's Dylan Michalchuck, known in Toronto as one of the best player they've ever seen. One hell of a player, we're lucky to even have him on this campus!" I heard the coach exclaim to a few of the admirers.

"What a _God_!" The girl in front of me screamed. I couldn't take this anymore.

"I've got to go, Trey."

Dylan wondered if a hole in the ground was going to open, and have hell swallow him right then. Because he knew that that feeling couldn't be any worse than the one he was experiencing right now.

His twelfth grade yearbook lay in his hands, staring at him, taunting him, making him feel emotions he hadn't felt in three years.

At the top the page read 'Around Campus'. There was a picture of Jimmy making a basket at practice; there was another of Paige, Hazel, and Manny in their Spirit Squad uniforms. That didn't bother him at all, he was happy to see and remember the warmth and happiness that resided in his high school.

But what did bother him was the picture at the bottom of the page, the one in the left corner next to the page number.

There was Dylan, clad in a blue t-shirt and a pair of jeans. There was Marco, his hair messed up all over the place and his jean jacket only on one shoulder. And there were Dylan's hands, wrapped around Marco's shoulders, and Marco's hands over Dylan's.

Tears were gripping onto the corners of Dylan's eyes, not wanting to fall onto the fragile pieces of paper. He didn't want to remember times when he was so happy, filled with so much joy that he thought he should burst.

He let his hand halfheartedly trace over the page so full of memories and love. He knew what was at the back of the book, on the back cover. But Dylan just couldn't bring himself to flip all the pages over to see it. It was like mutilating himself without any physical contact. It felt just the same; painful and bloody all over.

"Jason! Quit!"

"I'm gonna get you!"

Dylan walked over to the window and peered out the blinds. He could see a short boy with a mess of blonde hair, and a tall brunette girl chasing each other around.

'How eerie,' he thought.

"Ouch!"

"Oh my god... I'm so sorry." Dylan looked back down to see the girl laid over another boy, whom she had obviously tackled on accident.

"Don't worry about it," the boy mumbled. He brushed off his jacket and continued down the walkway, but not before Dylan caught a glimpse of his face.

'_What_?' Dylan stared harder at the back of the boy's head, and then ran over to the couch and peered into the book. He picked it up and ran to the kitchen window and looked again.

'No. It can't be. Stop being such an idiot, Dylan.' He shut the book and sat back down again, rubbing his head, not being able to concentrate with all these distractions.

"_You look so cute in that," I smiled. Marco looked so perfect in his white button-up shirt and black pants. It made my heart flutter just to think that he got dressed up like a geek just for me. _

"_You _owe _me, Michalchuck." He playfully pushed my shoulder and grinned that sweet smile of his. _

"_Really? How would you like your payment, Mr. Del Rossi?" I saw his eyes narrow and his grin get larger. _

"_Give me your hat," he looked at me expectantly. _

_I rolled my eyes up into my forehead to see my cap. Its tassel had been moved to the correct position, letting everyone in the world know that I was a high school graduate. _

"_Why would you want my hat?" _

"_For posterity." _

"_Here." I took the cap off and planted it on his head. "Maybe in two years you can wear it to your graduation, and I'll get it back," I grinned. _

"_Maybe." He reached up and softly kissed me on the cheek. "Congratulations, sweetheart." _

"_Thanks." I closed my eyes, filling myself into pure bliss. _

"_Oh my god, I forgot!" He pulled away from me and ran over to his seat right next to Paige and my parents. He grabbed his yearbook from under the seat and ran back to me. "You bum, you haven't signed my yearbook!" He shoved the book and a pen in my face and stared. _

"_So now I'm a bum? What about you, Mr. Hypocrite? I didn't see your hand writing in mine." I teased back. _

_He impatiently sighed and tapped his foot. "Fine. Where is it?" _

_I looked around and saw my sister conducting a scavenger through all the signatures on the front and back flaps. Probably trying to get all of the hot hockey players' phone numbers._

"_Paige! Give it up! You can look in the directory, for Christ's sake!" She scowled at me and slammed the book down onto her chair and went to find her boyfriend. _

_Marco laughed and went to retrieve it from my sister's hot seat. He sat down in her place, took the pen I already had in there, and started to scribble something on the back cover. I looked back at his own yearbook in my hands and began to wonder what I should write. _

_You're great?_

_I love being around you?_

_I love you?_

_Whoa. Not that. I hadn't even told him that myself that, even though it was true. I looked back at him and stared at his head. I wanted to write it, I was feeling compelled to. But I knew I couldn't. He was probably writing something like, _

_Congratulations Dyl! Hope you do well in college. _

_I took in a deep breath and blew it out. I scribbled something about doing well in grade eleven, and that I couldn't wait to spend my summer with him. I avoided the 'L' word completely and just scribbled my name under my non-sentimental message. Then I closed it and looked back._

_He was still writing. _

_I concentrated on the look on his face; he was in such a trance that even a bomb planted right at his feet couldn't have taken him out of it. And then he finished, dotted the end, and started to get up. That was when impulse took over me. I opened the book back open and put the pen onto the paper. _

_I love you. _

_Then I closed it back up and handed it to him right when he came upon me. Now I had sweat on my forehead. _Shit. _Why had I written that? _

"_Thanks." He gave me back mine and then walked away, trying not to let me notice that he was ten shades of red. Why was he the nervous one?_

_I cracked open the cover and smoothed down the rest of the pages. I looked around in anxiety for his loopy handwriting. I saw it there, near the end of the page, and let my eyes fall over every letter. I had to read it at least three times to get what it actually said, since I apparently had a sudden case of dyslexia. _

_My heart skipped a beat I'm sure, and then I looked back at him three feet away. His eyes were just as big as mine, and an expression of confusion and pure bliss on his face. He looked like an angel. _

Dylan could feel hot drops slowly make their way down his face. He just couldn't believe that he was gone, and he never had gotten to say goodbye. He carefully picked up his old yearbook and opened it again. This time he flipped to the back cover and felt that same mix of love, hatred, and disappointment.

There were lines of scribble all over, where Marco had obviously crossed out parts of his message. There were bits of ink splattered everywhere also. But what he had written was still there, plain as day.

_Nice job, Dylan. I couldn't be more proud. _

_I love you. _

_-Marco_

"SHIT!" Dylan yelled. He threw the book on the ground and flipped over onto his other side.

"I miss him so much," he whimpered.


	5. Dreaming of You

A/N: OH MY GOSH! Aren't you proud of me? One week! I'm so happy! Private school is a BITCH, but I DID IT! Yay! Okay, on with the story. Also, I don't know if any of you care, but I've decided that this story will be a part of a trilogy (I sound like J.R.R. Tolkien, haha) but yeah, there's gonna be three parts to this story combined. This one has about two or three more chapters to go though, so don't be looking for a new one for a while. Alright, on with it!

"_I'm a nervous wreck," I whispered into the phone. _

"_You shouldn't be. Everything's gonna work out, okay?" Ellie caringly consoled me. I felt so grateful, yet I was so nervous. _

"_Yeah. Okay." There was this silent pause for a moment. It wasn't an awkward one, it was one of those special silences when you can say all you want to and not utter a word. Ellie and I had a lot of those. _

"_I'm going to go, alright? Sean's picking me up for the movies in three minutes." _

"'_K. Thanks, El." _

"_Don't get sentimental on me, Del Rossi. You know I can't handle that shit." _

"_Right. How could I ever forget?" I suddenly felt my finger start to twirl around the phone cord. _

"_Bye. Good luck." Then she hung up without giving me any time to say a word back. _

_I walked back over to my desk and picked my brush back up. I was going bald from all the hair that had been lost on that brush in the past few hours, but I wanted to look perfect. It didn't matter if I looked like a complete loser for the rest of my life, but tonight, I had to look amazing. For him. _

"_Marco? Deelan's here to pick you up." I heard my mother knock on my door. _

"_Yeah, Ma. I'm coming." I put my brush down and smoothed out my jacket one more time. I looked so dorky in the black slacks and the matching jacket, but when I reminded myself that I was doing this for him, it made everything okay. _

"_You sure you don't want to take your father's car to your date's house?" My mother eyed me pleadingly when I opened the door for her. _

"_No, Ma. We're all going to go together." I started my way down, but she grabbed my wrist and made me stare back. _

"_I want you to have fun tonight, Marco. But you need to make good impression on this girl. You haven't seen a girl for who knows how long!" I felt terrible for lying to my mother, when she was so desperate to see her youngest son to do well in life. _

"_Okay, ma. I get it." _

"_Ohâ€ I bet she will be taller than you, won't she? I still don't understand seeing a girl who is older than you." She clucked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and stared at the phone on the table outside my bedroom. _

"_Ma, haven't we been over this?" _

"_Yes, okay. Hold on, I go down first, I want to take your picture."_

_I stuck my hand to the top of my head and breathed out deeply. I was sweating already. It had taken so much precaution, so many lies, and so much time to figure out how I was going to be Dylan's date for his prom. Our final conclusion had been for me to be invited to by a grade twelve girl, which was the farthest plausible thing anyone could have thought of, but it luckily had passed my unsuspecting parents. _

_I began to quickly walk down the stairs leading to our front door anxiously, for if I didn't get out of there soon, I'd blurt out the whole thing, the entire truth, and I'd be sent straight to hell for it. _

_My mother began to exclaim, "Oh, Marco, you look so-" when Dylan quietly cut in._

"_Gorgeous," he whispered. I warningly looked at him, but then my heart took over my senses. He looked just as beautiful as he claimed I did, although I wasn't going to tell my mother that. _

"_Did you say something, Deelan?" my mother caringly mispronounced Dylan's name. _

"_No, I didn't. But we do have to get going if we want to be early." He shined that loving smile at my mother, which made her smile just as well. It was hard to think that she didn't know that he wasn't only my friend, but my boyfriend. It was also just as hard to think that he might be her son-in-law at one point in time, and she was oblivious. _

_Oh Jesus. Son-in-law. I wish. _

_After my mother took one embarrassing snapshot of me, I hopped into Dylan's car and breathed heavily. This was going to work out. It had to. _

"_Phase one complete," he joked as he ignited the engine. _

"_Shut up. I'm doing this for you." _

"_That you are." He leaned in to kiss me when I turned my face away._

"_No. Not here. Please don't ruin this five minutes into it." _

_Then he turned on the radio and started flying down the street, not saying another word to me. I wish this was easier. _

_We pulled into the parking lot about fifteen minutes later, me looking over the side of the car at all the girls dressed up in strapless, low-clinging wraps with a clashing corsage on their wrists because their dates didn't know any better. _

_Dylan was really silent when he turned off the engine and just sat there for a second. It made my heart break when I watched him sit there in complete remorse, making me think that he was thinking this was all a huge mistake. That I was a huge mistake. _

"_Dylan?" _

"_You wanna go home? I could take you back," he offered quietly._

_I looked at him, offense and shock written all over my face. "Why would I want to go home? I'm here for you, remember? I told all those lies to my parents for _you.

"_I know. But that's just it. The fact that you have to lie to come to my dumb prom. It's not like I want to get married or anything." _

_I didn't know if I should have taken that as an insult. So I just casually looked away, the strapless, clashing girls coming into view again. _

"_Oh no. No, don't think that. I didn't mean it like that," Dylan stuttered when he finally realized what he had said._

"_I'm sorry that I'm such a terrible boyfriend to deal with." I got out of his car and slammed the door. _

"_Shit," I heard him exclaim. Then came the ringing of his keys and his footsteps behind mine. _

_He grabbed my wrist and made me turn around in a similar way that my mother had made me do earlier. His face was smeared with worry all over, the way my face looked, I imagine. _

"_We're not breaking up, are we?" I said quietly. _

"_Only if you want toâ€ which I would understand, since right now I want to break up with myself." _

"_Thisâ€ is hard." I told him. I felt so jumbled up inside, I could barely breathe. _

"_Yeah, I know." _

"_Sorry, that sounded pretty stupid." I began to blush, realizing how much of a drama queen I just sounded like. _

_Dylan laughed, but didn't joke around this time. He pulled me into him and just held me, held me like there was no tomorrow. _

"_Come on, let's go in before it's too late," I told him. _

"_I don't want to go anywhere," he whispered into my hair. _

"_Dylan, it's your prom! You're gonna want to remember this night." I pulled back from him, but didn't let his hand reached out of my grasp._

"_Trust me, I will." _

_And as if we were in some sort of fairy tale, the school's speakers started blaring out Selena's 'Dreaming of You'. _

"_Wow. I love this song," I told him. _

"_May I have this dance?" he asked, out of pure corniness. _

_I took his hand and pulled into him, holding onto him just as tight as he was to me. We both knew that we were never going to let go of each other._

_That was the night that I realized that I had fallen in love. _

Sitting on a cold bench with a small bag of groceries in hand, I reminisced that magical night. I could feel his hand on mine, his breath touching the back of my neck, his hair falling down onto my cheek, softly caressing it.

I wondered if it would feel the same now, after everything we'd gone through. I just wondered. I wondered how my life would have changed if I had been able to stay. If I had been able to take him to my own prom.

"Ow!" I looked over to the sidewalk, seeing a girl with her the heel of her shoe lying dead in her hand. "God dammit," she breathed.

I knew that voice somehow. I didn't know who she was, but I knew the voice.

"Er... you need help there?" I got up and set my bag of food next to me.

"Yeah, thanks." I helped her hobble over to the bench; her ankle was obviously hurt from when her heel broke off.

"You going to be alright?" I started to inspect her ankle.

"Yeah, fine." She moaned a quick yelp of pain, and then slid her newly-made flat back on. "I have to get this food to my brother or he'll have a hissy fit." She nodded to a bag in her hand, the same as mine.

"Uh... I've got time on my hands. You want help back?"

"Yeah, actually. I just got here this morning, I don't know my way around here very well."

"Here." I stuck her hand onto my shoulder and helped her hobble onto the sidewalk again.

"Um, I'm Paige, by the way." She smiled sweetly at me and held her free hand out.

"Marco." I took her hand, and then it hit me.

Right when I dropped her on the sidewalk.


	6. True

A/N: Ya'll probably want to murder me now, right? I feel like a terrible author, really. I just needed.... something. And that 'something' came up, so I got it done. It's pretty long- for me, at least. I'll try to update sooner.

Now was a time where I felt really stupid. I mean, I felt like an _idiot. _First, I don't recognize who Paige really is- well, in my defense, she had dyed her hair light brown, but still. She still had her Paige Michalchuck nose, eyes, lips. It wasn't brain surgery. Second, once I _do _figure out who she is- how do I treat her? I drop her on the freaking ground.

And looking at her on the ground, her hands holding her back up from the filthy concrete, she was probably feeling the exact same way.

Four years and we were still thinking alike. Lord Jesus help me.

The awkward look that we were giving each other lingered for a couple more seconds, until Paige couldn't take it anymore.

"Well, there goes my theory." Her eyes filled with hatred.

"Excuse me?"

"We all took turns guessing why you left." Her eyes brightened with phony excitement. "I suggested that you were dead, but I guess this is proving me wrong."

Ouch.

"Unless you're a ghost with an extremely good tan. Tell me, what's it like in hell?" Her jaw locked, the way it always did once she was finished burning someone.

"Okay, well obviously you don't know the entire story-" I began to defend myself.

"No. I want you to _listen, _Marco. All I know is that you walked away from me, your band, your family, and Dylan." Despite the fact that her ankle was most likely broken, she lifted herself off of the ground and met me at my face. "You broke my brother's heart. I don't give a shit why you left. When you left, everyone's world went crashing down. That's how much you meant to all of us."

This is another perfect time for me to have a hole to crawl into. I really needed to consider moving in with a mole or something like that.

"Alright, what you do now is try to defend yourself, and I retort with more harsh things to say. Trust me, I have plenty." She stuck her face so close to mine, I could have kissed her without moving my lips.

"Nice to see you again too, Paige."

"Screw you." She hopped over to her groceries and picked up a branch that had fallen onto the ground, using it as some kind of makeshift crutch. Or should I say make_shit._

"Can I at least tell you what happened?" She stopped, but didn't turn around.

"Can't promise I'll listen," she called over her shoulder.

_It was really cold outside. And I had forgotten my jacket back in my house. _

_Well, my parents' house. I couldn't truthfully say that it was mine anymore. They probably had disowned me by now, given my room to my brother to be transformed into a weight room, and had painted over my height chart. _

_I had been given three minutes to pack whatever I could and get my butt out of the house, my father yelling a countdown up the stairs all the while. I grabbed my clothes out of my drawers, toothpaste, floss, whatever I could find from my bathroom, and stuffed them all into my brother's athletic bag. I felt my hand under my bed, and came up with a picture that I shoved into my back pocket. _

"_TEN SECONDS!" He screeched from below. _

_I thought about shoes at the very last minute, but didn't have that kind of time. It had sounded like my father had taken his gun off of the mantle and meant business. _

_I couldn't believe that this was all actually happening. I had been out of my house for at least thirty minutes, but I didn't know where I was, or where I was going to go. Suddenly I felt really tired, so out of my small bag I took a pair of pants, rolled them up, and set them on the end of the bench I was sitting on. _

_I still didn't know what would happen to me, but to figure out what, I needed rest. _

_Right as my eyelids drooped over my eyes, I heard what sounded like a muffled Macarena playing somewhere. My phone ringtone. _

"_Shit," I whispered. My hands dug through my bag until I found the silver phone at the bottom. I flipped it open, Ellie's name flashing over the screen. I pressed the talk button and held it up to my ear. _

"_Okay, so where the fuck are you?" _

"_Yeah, hey El," I responded sarcastically. _

"_I go to your house, ring the doorbell, and your mother answers the door with red blotchy eyes." She drew a huge breath in and let it back out. "And all she does when she sees me is start crying even more and then slams the door in my face. And THEN-" another breath, "your father starts screaming like a madman from behind the door." _

"_Christ," I breathed. _

"_Look, explain later. Where are you?" Ellie. My lady-knight in shining armor. _

"_The park. I think." I looked around me. It seemed like the park, but my vision was blurred from the aching headache I had. _

"_You think, or you know?" I could hear her boots slamming down on hard concrete. _

"_Um... I don't know. Just..." My head started to swim. _

"_Okay, just hold on. I'm coming to get you, okay?" That was the last thing I heard her say. My body twisted back onto the bench, and I could feel myself blacking out. _

_My eyes closed, my hand fell to the ground and dropped my phone. The last thing I remembered was the crunch of my phone falling to the ground and breaking apart. _

_---_

_I woke up to one of the familiar posters on Ellie's wall. Well, it was Ellie's poster, but not her wall. It was technically Sean's wall. But it didn't matter. Sean's walls were keeping me warm._

"_Good. I knew that'd wake you up." She was staring up at the ceiling, counting how many tiles there were. Her hair was really wet and her clothes were even wetter. She had either fallen into snow, or had taken a shower with her clothes on. _

"_Are you insane?" I weakly asked. I clutched my stomach; it hurt like hell. "What'd you give me?" I flipped over, not facing her. "Ow." _

"_Yes, I'm insane. I gave you green tea and codeine. Narcotics always worked for my mother." _

"_How'd you get me here from the park?" _

"_Shh. 22...23...24..." I stood up and watched her use her index finger to point out where she was on her odd counting spree. If only I could experience one day in the life of Ellie Nash. Then I would understand everything. _

"_Your phone is shit. I tried fixing it, but gave up an hour ago." She coughed. "29..." _

"_How long have I been asleep?" I sat down on the edge of the bed not facing her. _

"_Shit if I know. 34..." _

"_I have to call Dylan." I walked into the next room and pressed the button to find the cordless. The 'beep beep' made my head throb even more. I walked into the miniscule kitchen and found it in the microwave. _

_Ellie obviously hadn't wanted to talk to Sean lately. _

_My fingers went on auto-pilot, dialing the numbers that were so familiar to me. It was the only thing in the world that I wanted to do right now. Talk to Dylan. _

_It rang once, twice, three times until someone picked up. The ringing wasn't doing good for my throbbing head. _

"_Hello?" Paige answered._

"_Hey Paige. Where's Dylan?" I asked eagerly. _

"_Hockey practice. What's wrong?" She could hear the eager tone in my voice. _

_  
"Nothing. I'll try his cell." _

"_He didn't bring it with him." _

"_Fine. I'll call him later. Bye." I pressed the 'end' button and set it back into the microwave. I didn't want Ellie bitching me out because Sean's incessant calls woke her up while trying to sleep. _

_While making my way back to the bedroom, I could hear faint voices from outside Ellie's front door. They were yelling. They sounded Italian. _

"_Um, El?" I called._

"_Yeah?" _

"_Do you hear those voices?" Being paranoid, my eyes kept darting from Ellie to the doorknob, expecting it to open any second. _

"_Now, Marco. I know you were out in the cold for an hour, but it takes years to develop Schizophrenia," she joked._

"_No, El. Seriously." My eyes picked up the pace. The room began to spin; I felt like I was on a rollercoaster. Codeine and roller coasters _never _mixed well. _

"_There's these really obnoxious kids who live across the lawn. They're probably fighting with their parents for some stupid reason." _

_The room stopped spinning, my eyes ceased from being paranoid. My churning stomach settled, and my feverish head toned down for a second. I let out a big breath, but then immediately regretted it. _

_Three rapid bangs on the door rang throughout the house. There were those voices again. My parents' voices. _

"_Open up!" My father barked. _

_About twenty cuss words flashed through my head. _

_Ellie, her face ridden with worry, came out of her bedroom and gave me a wearing look. She didn't want me to open it. With that look, she was pleading with me not to open it. And I wouldn't have, if it weren't for my mother. _

"_Marco, please. Open the door, please." It hit me right in that soft spot that you have for your parents, where you'll give in to anything they want. I couldn't resist._

_My body moved toward the door when Ellie grabbed on to my arm for dear life. _

"_Don't open it," she urged. Her eyes were already filled with tears. _

"_OPEN UP!" my father yelled back. _

"_Marco, no." Ellie commanded. "I already lost Sean. Please. Don't open it." Her tears were ruining the eyeliner and mascara she had packed on. Her big, brown eyes were open so wide, she could have swallowed me whole with them. _

"_OPEN. THE. DOOR!" I could only picture the boiling red face my father had right now. I could only imagine what terrible picture he had planned out for me. The plan to save me from sin. _

"_No," Ellie whimpered. She grabbed me into her arms. "No. I love you. You can't leave." She quietly pleaded. _

"_I love you too." I pushed her off of me and unlocked the door, leaving her there hunched over into a ball. Once I opened the door, my father grabbed me from the warmth of the house and shoved me into the snow. _

"_Get up," he barked. My face began to freeze from the snow packed into it. I pushed myself up from the ground and staggered onto a pole to hold me up. _

"_The car. Get in." He pushed me off of the pole and into his old Saturn. My body felt as if a thousand pieces of glass were piercing my skin as the cold car's outer skin punched into my stomach. My bloody hand opened up the door and I pushed myself into the car. _

_My mother and father followed suit, minus the bloody hand and pieces of glass. _

"_Where are we going?" I asked weakly. _

"_You, my..." he paused, "son," he continued, "are going to Vancouver." He took a quick turn on the icy road, causing the tires to squeak and my mother to yelp in surprise. _

"_For what?" I protested, my voice raising. I felt like a prisoner taken captive. _

"_Now, Marco. Calm down," my mother reached back and took my hand. My father slapped her arm away and she recoiled back into her seat. _

"_But Ma, why?" I wanted my question answered._

"_Boarding school, Marco. We're sending you to boarding school." She said quietly._

"_Where they will monitor your every move. Any phone calls you make, any letters you send will be monitored by an adult. There will be NO talking to that... boy." _

'_That boy' meaning Dylan. I couldn't talk to Dylan. _

"_In fact, no talking to anyone except your mother or I. You'll just have to make new friends there." He took another sharp turn. My father was prone to major road rage._

"_But Pa..." My heart was sinking with every word he uttered. No Dylan. It kept repeating itself in my mind. _

"_SHUT UP!" He screamed. _

_I sunk into the seat and covered my face with my hands. I had to start all over again. No more Ellie, Jimmy, Craig, Spinner, Paige. No more Degrassi, The Dot, band rehearsals. No more Dylan. _

_I reached into my pocket and took out the object I had quickly placed there earlier. It was the extra picture from the strip of my presidential pictures. Dylan was in that picture. It was all I had left. _

_Everything I loved, held dear. It was all gone. And I wouldn't ever get it back. _

"I'm sorry, Paige. Once it was all over with, I couldn't go back." My face was wet all over. "It just hurt too much."

Paige was barely moving, except for her wavering hand attached to the stick. Afraid that she was going to fall over, I took a step forward.

"I- I can't believe Ellie never told you."

She finally turned around. She was crying just as hard as I was, perhaps even harder. Dropping the stick, she threw her arms around me and sobbed into my jacket.

"I'm so sorry," she kept repeating.

"It's not," I took an abrupt breath, "your fault."

"No, Marco." She pulled back with an apologetic face. "Ellie's dead, Marco. She committed suicide right after you left. I'm so sorry." Then she buried her head back into my jacket and held on tighter.

"_No," Ellie whimpered. She grabbed me into her arms. "No. I love you. You can't leave." _

It was my fault she was dead.

A/N: Review buttons are shiny. So press it. You know you want to.


	7. Love & Heartbreak

"_You're gay, right?" _

_I looked up. Three days in the hell hole called boarding school and I had already been found out. I loathed people who could see right through me. _

_But I was finding it hard to hate this particular boy. _

"_What?" _

_He held out his hand. "I'm Zack. Your comrade, compadre." He flashed me perfectly straight teeth behind, what I could see, a perfectly kissable mouth._

_Dammit. I had a boyfriend! _

"_How-" I took his hand in disbelief. I could feel my mouth hanging open, because my tongue was suddenly drying out. _

"_Your hair is perfectly straightened each day. You don't have any disgusting stains on your clothes, and your shoes match your outfit," he pointed out._

"_But-"_

"_You're one in a million around here, pal. I'm surprised you've made it this far."_

"_I'm not-"_

"_You really don't have to deny it around me. I have plenty of experience in that category, and any excuse you give me I'll see right through." He finally let go of my hand. The finger with Dylan's promise ring on it singed right through. _

_It, and the picture, was my only remembrance of him. Serenity pulsed through my head. _

_I missed him so. _

"_I'm Marco." I smiled back at Zack. Finally someone who might understand. _

"_Let's walk." He motioned to a corridor leading to the dorms. "I'm gonna take a shot in the dark here. Your parents found out you're gay, they got mad, accused you of sin, and sent you here, shutting you off from the world as you know it?" _

_He could really read me. And I still couldn't find it in me to hate him. _

"_Right on the money." _

"_That was the obvious answer. Now what I can't figure out is if that ring on your finger is something Grandma gave you last Christmas or a sign of your boyfriend's everlasting love." He looked up at the elevators in the dorm lodge. "What floor?" _

"_Three," I answered weakly. _

_He pushed the button and it instantly dinged. We stepped in simultaneously. _

"_His name's Dylan," I quietly offered. _

_Zack smiled again. We reached my floor, and he ushered me out by his hand. I took the key to the dorm out of my pocket, my picture falling out with it._

_He reached it first._

"_He's gorgeous," Zack remarked, his head placed in a quirky position. _

_Checking out the competition, I supposed. _

_Wow, I don't have a big ego._

"_The rest of the pictures were for my presidential election last year, but he kinda decided to mess the last one up." I chuckled and let us into the room. _

_Thank God my roommate was gone. _

"_You love him?" Zack asked pryingly, sitting down on my bed. _

"_Uh-" I sat down next to him. _

"_Yeah, you do," Zack decided. _

_Tears exploded from Lord-knows-where. I hadn't felt them coming, and I didn't know that they had arrived until I felt them on my cheeks. _

"_Hey, man. It's all good." Zack patted me on my shoulder. _

_I wiped the mess off of my face. "It's- it's not like I'll ever really see him again." _

"_What about…" He whipped something small out of his pocket. "Talking to him?" I finally realized it was a cell phone._

_My savior._

"_You really mean it?" _

"_Don't waste another gosh-darn second!" _

_I snatched the damn thing out of his hand. In four seconds flat Dylan's number was connected through and the phone was ringing in my ear. _

"_Hello?" _

_Dylan. He answered on the second ring. _

"_Dya-" I started off pronouncing his name wrong._

"_Look, I'm sorry, but I'll have to call you back. Paige, you found anything?" The phone clicked off. _

_I stared at the screen in disbelief. I had heard his voice. He'd been right there, and I'd let him go. _

"_Call him back, dammit!" Zack reached for the redial button._

"_Zack, give up." I fell back onto the bed._

"_It's useless." _

_Zack was the only thing that kept me sane for the next couple of months. Any thoughts that passed through my head, and observations I had, I told to Zack. And I'd always be surprised to find out that he agreed with everything I said. The more and more time I spent with him and Dylan just growing to be a memory, I grew to love Zack._

_And boy did he know it._

"_First time I saw you I knew I liked you," he announced one afternoon, the two of us sitting in a stairwell together. It was our secret hideout. A place no one knew about but us. _

"_First time I saw you, I was pretty intimidated, to tell you the truth." _

_We smiled together. _

"_But I knew that your heart belonged to someone else." _

_He touched my hand. And, to put it directly, I touched it back. _

_It was time to let go of Dylan, and I knew it._

"_Not anymore," I whispered. _

_He slowly slid the promise ring off of my finger and put it into the drain pipe next to us. _

"_Five months and ten days I've been waiting. You're way over due, Mister." _

_I kissed him, long and hard. He ran his fingers through my hair, I ran mine through his. We touched each other's cheeks. _

_And he was crying when we pulled away. _

"_You still love him," he whimpered. _

"My life's full of heartbreak," I stated.

"Oh, Marco. Ellie loved you. Dylan loves you. I love you. How much more love can you need?"

We were sitting on the bench. I had my head rested on Paige's shoulder like a pathetic cat.

Ellie was dead. Dylan still loved me. And for the first time in three years, I confided in somebody about Zack, the guy I thought I could love. Not to be confused with my lovely, oblivious roommate.

"What happened to the ring?" she asked.

"I picked it back up when Zack ran off in a fit of love angst. I strung it around this chain," I pulled out my necklace to show Paige. "I never talked to Zack again, after that."

"Your heart belonged to someone else."

"I have to see him, Paige."


End file.
